Archive for December, 2007

Coming Soon
December 27, 2007

Topic soon to be discussed inshAllah:

The topic below was a request from a few brothers. Although I created the title and you shall soon understand how I came to that conclusion , the post will bring to light the issue regarding “our sisters making it difficult for our brothers” to approach their families and seal the deal. Im still working as a reporter collecting all the data from the brothers who requested I bring to the table such a topic.

Warning: This topic may come off a little bias due to the fact I’m a brother and I’m on the side of the fence. But I will inshAllah try to grant the sisters a voice in their absence even though some brothers may think, they’re case to be “weak”.

“I Want To Marry You But Its

 Your Fault”

 

 

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My Fear of Marriage
December 23, 2007

If you know anything about me, you’ll know that I promote marriage. I encourage it and speak out against those who dedicate their efforts to discourage others from taking such a fulfilling step closer to Allah. Since the Ramadan of 2005, I’ve been heavily campaigning for marriage, jumping from one circle of brothers to another, beautifying the idea of fulfilling half the deen.

The irony of my situation lies in the mere fact that, while I promote and encourage others to take this huge step closer to Allah, I have yet to act upon my own words. There seems to be a contradiction. I preach one thing while my actions show no support.

Which reminds of a story in the life time of Imam Maliik (in some narrations, it has been mentioned that this actually happened to Al-Hasan Al-Basri). There were many slaves that were under the care of the Muslims and so the leaders of his city asked Imam Maliik to speak about the reward of freeing a slave for the sake of Allah in his Friday Khutbah. So Imam Maliik agreed to encourage the believers to free their slaves, seeking the good pleasure of Allah, in one of his near future talks.

However, weeks pasted and Imam Maliik hadn’t mentioned the benefits of freeing the slave. So after many weeks, the leaders wanted to re-approach the Imam and remind him of their agreement.

But before such a meeting could occur, the Imam stood on the pulpit and dedicated his talk to freeing the slave. After the khutbah, many Muslims were so moved by his words that they started to free their slaves and the affects of his speech became apparent. Soon afterwards, the leaders approached Imam Maliik and inquired about the delay regarding the topic. The Imam stated that he didn’t own a slave to free so he disliked encouraging others while he, himself was unable to fulfill such words. So after gathering some wealth and purchasing a slave, he set him free. There after, the Imam stood on the pulpit and encouraged others to follow his actions. Due to his sincerity and the execution of his words, the fruits of his preaching became widespread in the community.

From this story, I learned so many lessons and among them, act upon what you preach.

However, with marriage its a little complicated so let me explain.

Some time ago, I was confused as to why I preach marriage and yet become so hesitant to fulfill such a step. Night after night, I would lay in my bed and reflect over my deepest feelings and beliefs towards the subject. I wouldn’t accept such answers as, “I’m still looking for that Ideal Muslimah so until I find her, I’m doing me”. Such an answer was too politically correct and if I was to accept it as an excuse, I wouldn’t be able to get to the root of my problem regarding marriage. Months literally passed and still, I had no answers as to why I was delaying marriage. Until one night, I allowed my soul to fully open up to me and through  that process I discovered the root of my problem. It made complete sense. It was not an excuse but it was the truth.

For the record, I believe marriage to be a means of success. Moreover, it is a vital step to protecting our iman and increasing our status in the sight of Allah. In addition to those points, I am shy to mention that zina is rampant in our communities. InshAllah I intend to shad some light on the issue of zina amongst the young generation of brothers because ignoring such problems wont lead to a solution. However such a topic is sensitive so I will carefully review my ideas and facts before posting on the subject.

As I was saying before I got side tracked with my next post, my discovery as to why I have been delaying marriage is acceptable? Well before it could be acceptable, let me share the reason.

The reason I’m delaying marriage is because I’m afraid of taking a woman under my responsibility. When I say responsibility, I don’t mean for dunya reasons. As for dunya matters, I can handle that responsibility inshAllah. My fear lies in the fact that I would become responsible for her akhira as she would have a huge impact on my status before Allah. The foundation of my fear of marriage is akhira and not the life of this world. I worry that my wife under my care, will become weak and lazy towards her duties to Allah. While I stand to her side encouraging her, day and night, but my words of support don’t lead to righteous actions. Mean time, what if Allah caused my heart to grow in love and fear of Him while my wife, the woman I took as a responsibility, falls behind in her worship. Regardless whether she would be in a strong state of iman or fighting to perform her five daily prayers on time, I could never (and I mean never) leave her behind. And how could I leave her behind when I accepted her as a responsibility. When I stood in front of her father like a man and looked him in the eyes, promising him that I would forever be committed to his daughter. That I would never abandon her, whether we get tested with poverty or illness, she will always be my wife and I would be to her a protector, a provider and the companion who shall accompany her on the long journey to meet Allah.  

Through marriage, I would forever remain committed to her and for that reason, I fear my passion to fulfill a commitment will destroy me.

Does the reason I stated above make any sense? Maybe the English language doesn’t bring justice to the situation I described above.

Honestly, as for dunya, I really don’t spend too much time stressing myself over this life. And why should I burden myself with stress when my risq has already been written and the moment of my departure from this world is but recorded?

Some time ago, a sister got into contact with me and stated her interest in marriage. She was shy to take such a step initally but I comforted her with kind words. Her bravery was impressive and she reminded me of those women who used to support the Messenger of Allah (saw) during his battles and so accepted her invitation to get to know each other for marriage reasons. Thereafter the correct individuals were notified and the process began. In one of our conversations in getting to know each other, she asked me a tricky question. She said, “is there anything that you would like to tell me or ask me?” I was amazed at the question due to the fact that in college, I took a class called Interviewing and Investigations which taught me all about open-ended questions and her question was living proof of the examples my professors would describe to us. However I couldn’t recall the methods on how to escape from such questions that the professors taught us, so instead I answered it with sincerity and requested something from her. She inquired about my request and I said to her, “If it turns out that we should marry and only Allah knows, could you do me a favor?” She responded, “sure, what is it that you request?” I said, “If we get married, I promise you one thing and I ask of you one-thing”. So I continued, “I promise you that I will forever be committed to you. I will assist you and support you. Regardless of prosperity or adversity, I will be your companion in this world and in the next”

Now that was the promise I made her but such a promise needs a condition. So I continued and stated my request. I said to her, “I ask you for one thing in return. I ask for your assistance in my entrance into Junnah”

In other words, I would strive and pull down the greatest mountains with my bare hands if need be, in exchange, all I wanted from her was to be reminded of Allah and some encouragement to DO MORE  righteous acts, in order for my worship to reach that next level. In the end, I fear I’ll end up married to a sister who is so occupied with this world, it would not only destroy her, but also our children.

And Allah knows best

Entering a New Stage:
December 20, 2007

It’s from the blessing of Allah that I’ve found my way to compile some of my words and create this blog. 

It is from my habitual practice whenever I embark upon a new path; I look within myself and state a clear intention as to why I wish to enter that particular stage. Needless to say, blogging won’t take me away from my practice and so with the permission of Allah, I make my intentions pure for Him, wishing to please Him alone. 

I was awaken from my sleep earlier today, while the sun was still down, overtaken by a state of reflection. I laid in the comfort of my bed with my heart beat accelerating, pondering over the rights of time. Living in a society that promotes the “take it to go” fast moving lifestyle, has tried to deceive me from understanding the difference between, preserving time through drive thru machines and barakah. 

I laid there in the silence of my room, reminiscing over the text I read from the early Islamic scholars and the barakah of their particular time. I started the compare their barakah to our situation and my body grew with frustration. It seems like the hours of the day are moving at an all-time speed, unknown before to any civilization of history. We’re trapped between “going with the flow” or enjoying the moment and taking the gift of time for granted. 

Have you ever taken a walk in the darkness of a summer night, when the stars openly present themselves and the moon stands strong, seeking the attention of all? I have many times. 

After years of such useful walks, I’ve realized that time is not on our side. Like the generations of the past, as we live today, we shall be overtaken tomorrow. Shamefully many have the mentality that “we only have one life to live, so enjoy it” but they’ll come to realize that the sky that stands strong without pillars and the transition of the night and day and all that is placed in the earth, has not been created for mere play. 

So I continued to lay there in my bed, until I had the courage to get up and face the reality of our situation as a nation. Hours later, I found myself on the computer, surfing the web until I fell on the blog page of a sister and her words encouraged me to start my own.

I will always visit her blog and comment on her posts as a reminder to myself that she was my source of motivation. Any positive reminders that come from the knowledge Allah has granted me, which in result, cause myself or others to implement and earn His good pleasure, she will share with me in the reward.

Perhaps I will never meet the sister but the fruits of her words that encouraged my soul to strive and accomplish good, she will indeed find the reward of her efforts with her Lord.

May Allah have mercy on her