The Quranic Anger Management Program

I completed the cycle of anger in such a short period of time.

The feeling started as I became annoyed at my sibling. It soon transformed itself to frustration and my frustration grew until I had become anger.

I stood in amazement, starring at my sibling while harboring the feeling. Thinking back, perhaps I had quickly completed the stages of anger due to the fact that I was lacking sleep or maybe I was just hungry therefore my patience was thin and my tolerance, out of service. But than again, who am I kidding? Those are all excuses I feed to my soul but I refuse to accept any of them.

On a normal day, it would take much for anger to enter my heart. My path crosses with many different personalities and sometimes we bump heads. In the event that a misunderstanding arises, I try to recall the lessons I learned while studying Seerah. Sometimes those lessons cause me to overcome any bad feeling that may find a path to my heart, while other times, I fail miserably in my efforts to practise my knowledge. But even in my failure, I learn new lessons.

However, they’re three types of people I can not stand. If I see them walking towards my direction, I turn around and take another path. On the days Allah, the Powerful and All-Wise, will’s for me to meet those personalities, hardly can any benefit be abstracted from such meetings. For the record, I can never claim that I hate the individual, but I will admit my dislike for some of the traits that exist within that person’s personality.

Over the years, I gave myself plenty of time to soul search, which in return, has allowed me to know my own soul. Interestingly, the biggest benefit I learned from soul searching was understanding my limits. In addition, such a mission has allowed me to come to terms with the fact that I can not stand certain personalities. For one, I dislike liars. Its true what they say, the truth does actually hurt. However, it’s better to speak the truth than to take the path of lies. If you aren’t able to control the words that come out of your mouth, than learn the practise of silence.

The second trait I meet, almost everyday, is the ignorant person. It seems they stand and wait for me on every street corner. Had they known that silence would conceal the ignorance they harbour and developed over the years, they probably would make some attempts to practise it.

The funny thing is, that same ignorance is what prevents them from searching for cures, which would allow them to overcome such an evil trait. Finally, the last of my disliked traits is actually the one I’d started to witness in my sibling. I watched over the months as I witnessed my silbling tranform into becoming a selfish person. Now let me take this opportunity to make my first confession in my Poetic Justice. I confess and declare in my Poetic Justice that, “I hate self-fish people”. I know earlier I stated the fact I can not hate an individual, but every rule has an exception. Besides, there is nothing in Islam that allows a soul to become self-fish. In fact, we will never succeed and taste true imam unless we develop loving for others what we love for our own souls.

Although, I walk in and out of my house and most of the times, it would seem like I’m in my own little world, doing my thang but in all actuality, I pay great attention to the events that happen around me. Including my house and the individual that live within.

My attentiveness or as some like to call it, “my paranoia”, has allowed me to witness the transformation of the personality of my sibling. Upon witnessing my sibling becoming a self-fish person, it was my duty to make efforts in assisting that individual but I quickly failed in my quest.

Through the wisdom of Allah, He caused an altercation to arise between my sibling and I. Through this altercation, I lost my patience and I needed to cool down and get away. I glanced at the clock and realized I had an hour and change before maghrib so I grabbed my sweater and departed from my house. I rememered a good halal chicken wing restaurant around my area, so with my anger, I set off to fulfill a desire. 

I came outside and made the first left at the end of my street. After a few minutes, I made another right on to another street. I soon found myself on a major road. Fighting off the feeling of frustration and plenty of useless thoughts, I looked up and saw a hijabi walking 50 meters in front of me. I naturally slowed down. Some brothers upon seeing a sister walking in front of them would probably cross the road, pick up the pace and leave her in the dust. But myself, I was trapped between thoughts nor is it my nature to run from sisters. But I slowed down and kept my distance. 

It didn’t help my frustration that she was talking on the phone and walking at a real slow pace. I had the option of crossing the street but in a little while I would have to make a right, so I remained on the same side of the street. I soon realized walking behind her actually caused me to restore some of my lost patience. Keeping alert as to the space between the sister and I prevented me from entertaining those angry thoughts and I was just about to free myself from that evil feeling until I decide to look down. I noticed my shoe string was lose but normally I would quickly bend down and tuck the string in the side of my shoe, however on this day, I had the urge to actually tie the shoe lace. Upon completing that unusual task, I looked up and I saw a man walking by the sister. So who cares right? Just a regular man, minding his own business, doing his own thing. Wrong.

Not to my surprise, this man walked by the sister without any rude comments. However, after walking by the sister, he looked back at her and stared and stared, returning to looking forward with a funny look to his face. What’s this man’s problem, right? Well, I was thinking that same thought so I decided I should find out whats his beef. When he came closer to me, I starred at him with sharp eyes, that resemble the eyes of a fighter in the battlefield as he approaches his enemy. I said to him, “So, whats the problem with that girl, walking up there?”. He looked at me with confusion on his face and said, “huh, what problem?”. “Well you keep looking at her with a funny look so I’m thinking you saw something that you didn’t know or like? So whats seems to be the problem?…”. He responded, “no no, there is no problem, I was just was looking at…” and that’s when I cut him off aggressively with my anger claiming stairs that reach the nearest heaven. I said to him, “yo, I don’t know what your looking at but that’s my sister…”. In shock of finding out that she was my sister, he said, “I didn’t mean anything by the look, I didnt mean anything..”

My frustration that was starting to disappear had now reached it’s peak. I looked at the man and with my anger, I walked away. For some evil reason, I was kind of hoping he would say some stupid comments that would justify me to take some action that would “some how” lower my level of frustration. In other words, I wanted to take the matter into my own hands. I know that’s not the best way to solve a problem, but he disrespect my sister and I couldn’t allow that to happen. I remember an incident in the Seerah when the Prophet (saw) started a war with the Jews because one Muslim woman was disrespected. A Muslim man in the marketplace witnessed the disrespect of his sister and decided to defend her until the Jews ganged up on him and killed him. InshAllah when I make it to Junnah, I intend to ask about that man and meet him before I occupy myself with my wife who will request, I write romantic poetry for her as she enjoys the taste of a fruitful peach. 

I admit that I deal with my anger in a bad way. I’m not one of those individuals who yells and screams at the top of his lungs using all types of words nor do I solve my problems in a physical way, using my strength.

When I get angry, I shut down and close myself off. I wont talk to you. I probably wont even look at you. If I was married, I probably would take my pillow and sleep on the couch for like ten days. Silence is the method I use to deal with my anger. The reason I shut down is because I have a hundred thoughts runnning through my mind and I must go through them all. Therefore, I just need some time and space. But I’ll be the first person to admit, its not the best way to deal with this issue and I’m working on better myself inshAllah.

Over the years, I found one tool that helps me with my frustration and anger to be the Quran. If you turn on the Quran and listen to your favourite surah, from your favourite Qari, it really helps. It softens the heart and re-draws the bigger picture to life. You start to remember Allah, The Last Day, The Accountablity, Heaven and Hell. You start to realize that shaitan is encouraging you to hold firm to that feeling of anger which would actually cause you more harm than benefit.

But I got a long way to go in solving my anger issues. As for today, I’ve enrolled myself into the Quranic Anger Management program. Using the Quran to solve my issues.

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9 Responses

  1. wow, i agree that quran helps came the soul down
    when i get really pissed at my siblings i head to my room and listen to my favourite qari (Luhaydaan & Al-Ajmi!!) on my mp3..10 minutes later i come out as pleasant as can be. now that does not definately justify what i said before i lift nor erase it from their minds. i guess its that time i should use to make ammends and work on my immediate reaction to the stressor by seeking refuge from shaytaan.
    jazakullahu khairan for the reminder

  2. Subhana’Allah and what’s better than turning to Al-Quran. May Allah (swt) increase your love for Quran (Ameeen). And always remember ‘Seek help through sabr and salah, for Allah is with the patient’.

    Everyone gets angry, it’s our nature but the way we deal with our anger is what counts.
    Qadra’Allah I also use the same method you mentioned and believe me shaitan will always find you wherever you turn. Before I started practicing Islam I would release my anger by screaming and thus getting my point across like that.

    Now alhamdulilah my I pod is my BEST friend. I listen to Quran, lectures, and dua’aa more than I talk. To the point my family now things am crazy, like I’ve lost my mind. Subhana’Allah nothing you do will satisfy humans. This year I didn’t go to RIS but some of my family members did. I called them to see how they liked it and one of my siblings was like ‘You know I wish you were here today, everything the sheikh said reminded me of you’. This sibling heard a sheikh say ‘you should be open minded and …’ with your family. My sibling says we don’t talk like we use to because your always in your own little world and whenever we gather together to talk, you leave and it’s really hard to talk to you now because you set a high standard for yourself. Subhana’Allah I didn’t know how to respond but the first thing that came to my mind way ‘since when did listening to my favorite Qari reading my ayah or surah of the day become a crime?’ Just because I don’t like to freely say whatever that came to my mind because I know I have two angels writing down every single word I say, made me seem like an extremist today.

    Anway, Ameen the Quranic method you mentioned is an amazing tool and it wipes away all ill feelings. May Allah forgive our short comings and shade us on yummal qiyama as the youth who stood up for His deen. Amiin.

  3. Akhi, I’m the same way when I get angry too. I don’t get visibly upset, instead I shut people out and dwell on my own thoughts. In some ways it’s a strength, because it makes you a more reflective person, and you tend to have a stronger understanding of self, more so than other people. But on the other hand, it can really be a form of selfishness. You’re closing off the people you love by not expressing your thoughts and emotions.

    My siblings, parents… they know me inside and out, so it’s not an issue with them. But you’ve brought up an interesting point about marriage, and I’ve thought about it recently. I can’t expect the man I marry to understand me in that way. He’s entitled to know my thoughts and feelings. Inshallah maybe I’ll find someone who is intuitive and “gets me”, but for most people I’d have to talk. And so I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to deal with anger by letting it out and letting the person know how I feel instead. Allahu ‘ alam, but it just feels much healthier.

  4. Hey, your not even married and your already thinking about ‘I probably would take my pillow and sleep on the couch for like ten days’.

    Just imagine If either one of you was to die in that state, what will you say to Allah when you meet Him?

    Think possitive and you’ll prosper:)

  5. oooops..wrong place..consinder this post in ”your wife in jannah”

  6. I think every person is self-fish but just in their own way. I’m pretty sure we can recall a moment or two where we were self-fish through out our lives. Just remember your childhood when you didn’t want to give your candy to your preschool mate even though they were staring hard at it, correct?

    I can say the same about ignorance, and lying. No one can deny the fact that they were ignorant at one point of their life, or have even lied whether it was a white or a black lie. The only difference is that some people fight against these traits, and some just use it as a defensive tool or to conceal their weakness, in this society/time we live in.

    And so, i don’t think you should hate/dislike or take another path avoiding such people who might have these traits, when we were like them at one point of our life. In mastering your emotions we learned that maybe the reason why we might hate people with certain traits, is the fact that they may be a reflection of this mask we wear every day we call ‘persona’

    We are all humans, and if we don’t try to help one another to our best of our abilites then who will?

    You said “Love for your brother what you love for yourself” and i think we should remember to imply this hadith in all aspects of our lives.

    Many of us like to shut ourselves down to avoid the current situation; or maybe to entertain our thoughts of why’s and how’s. But in the end, the same problem will reoccur if we don’t confront it. Our emotions might be a barrier to confront such situations, but we shouldnt let our emotions override our logic. Be the driver of your emotions, and dont let them drive you.

    Listening to Quran is indeed the ulitmate tool and we should be ever so gratefull.
    What’s better than to have Allah swt talk to you at your time of your need?

  7. Hidaaya, Mos Def we should try our best to think positive but sis, Im just being honest when I give examples of how I would deal with my anger during that particular stage of my life, that I will soon meet (inshAllah), called marriage.

    The reason I give such examples is because my mentality got me reflecting over furture events rather than just living for the moment.

    At the same, thats not a state I would want to meet my Lord in so I got a long way to go before I can say, “Dont watch that! That was something of the past” or something like that lol.

    Ma’salaam

  8. Assalamualaikum!

    Any body can be angry with you or any one else and that’s easy,but to be angry with the right person,in a right way,to the right degree,for the right purpose and in the right time is not easy and its not within everybodys power.

    Ibn al-Qayyim rahimahulla said:How perfect is Allah!In the soul of man is the pride of Iblis,the jealousy of qabil, the insolence of the people of A’ad,the tryranny of thamud,the temerity of namrud,the arrogance of pharaoh,the wrongdoing of qarun,the trickiness of the people of sab’t,the rebelliousness of al-walid,the ignorance of abu jahl and impudence of haman.The soul of a man also has many charactersitics of beast.He has the avarice of crow,the gluttony of a dog,the display of the peacock,the filth of hog,the malice of the camel,the predatory nature of the lion,the venoum of the snake,the frivolity of the ape, the greed of the ant and the deception of fox.

  9. joh!a persons gotta love you’before i occupy myself with my wife whol request i write her romantic poetry’.lol.what really shines through in your blog is your hope.your certainty that you will get jannah.i really like that and inshaAllah you will get it.and as for your going all silent when angry i don’t think it such a bad thing.better than the other extreme.screaming things you don’t mean and regretting for ever after…one lives and learns.i think a foolproof cure for anger is surah rahman recited by a favourite qurra.works everytime

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