Out of the Fold

Its seems like recently, I’ve closed myself off from my surroundings. From everybody. From individuals to places and this action has become so known that almost everybody has recognized it. Im often asked, “Yo, where have you been?” and “where you hiding these days..” But last and not least, “why you rolling solo homie?”. I respond…I just need my space. But dont I really? Thinking about it…I really do. I need my space. I need some time to think about the decisions that await me at the moment and issues that will soon present themselves. But the thing I find most awkward is how, despite the fact that Im not involving myself with many persons, I find my usage of time to be very poor. Out of a score of ten, I would have to give myself at best, a 6. Its shameful, I know. Its like I have no sense of time management anymore. Or maybe time is moving way too fast? That would be an excuse right? So lets not even go there.

All I know is, I wake up, do what I got to do around the house and when Im ready to leave, look over my “to-do-list” and depart from my house with confidence. Why am I confident? Why not? I just find it easier on my mind and soul to not stress issues since afterall…I am Muslim and everything has already been determined right? So why not just chill and leave the matter to Allah.

 So since the most frequent question Ive been asked in recent time is, “what have you been up to…?” I’ve decided to give the answer in my Poetic Justice. The answer is….Well before I answer the question…

Just last weekend, I took a trip to the Nations Capital (that’s Ottawa and not Toronto, although…many foreigner are under the impression that Toronto is the Capital and it should be if you asked me…BUT WHATEVER 🙂 ) and I found something there that captured my gaze. Something that woke my soul up. Little did I know, Ive actually been sleeping for over the past six to eight weeks until the moment I found the jewel. Not literally but symbolically. A jewel that shined bright. Bright enough to capture my attention and keep me awake like the firemen who always seem to be in my area saving some lives or what not, when I’m in my bed trying desperently to fall asleep. Although at times, I scream from my window at the firemen for what seems to me as “rudeful interruption”, I looked upon the jewel with silence. Complete silence. I wanted it. I reviewed how much it would cost and the price was too high. I couldn’t own it and if I wanted it, I would need to manipulate the system and that’s something that I’m trying to avoid. When I was younger, I would have this mentality that if I want it ….its just a matter of time before I would have it. And if I wasn’t going to be handed it, then I would just take it. One way or another, it was gonna be mine. But such a mentality has matured over the years and now I know, with manipulation comes a price. At times, that price could be too high for even a man like myself. So I backed off.

And on my three and half hour drive back home, the poetic words flowed through my mind. I felt the tension in my soul growing fiercely but I was an exposed writer. I was naked, in the sense, I didn’t have my pen and paper to release my tension. So I trapped poetic lines of passion that flowed like an eternal river in my mind, until I had reached home, only to find those words, gone. Nowhere to be seen. Have I lost? Or maybe, I’ve gained. Its too early to tell. All I know is, my Poetic Justice has a page titled, “My Jewel” but under that title, there are no words. 


5 Responses

  1. Assalamu Alayka Akhee. The following is a couple of supplications our beloved Prophet Muhammd (p.b.u.h.) used. In light of our current reality.

    1 – “O Allah! I am Your slave, the son of Your male slave and the son of Your female slave; my forehead is in Your Hand; Your Judgement is ongoing, Your Decision is just. I ask You – by every Name of Yours which You have called Yourself, or taught to any of Your Creaion, or revealed in any of Your Books, or reserved to the Unseen with You – to make the Qur’an a spring to my heart and a light in my chest, and a remover of my sadness and an eraser of my anguish.”

    [Allahumma inni ‘abduk, wa ibn ‘abdik, wa ibn amatik; nasiyati bi Yadik; madin fi Hukmuk, ‘adlun fi Qada’uk. As’aluk bi kull ismin huwa Lak, sammayt bihi Nafsak aw ‘allamt ahadan min khalqik aw anzaltu fi Kitabik aw ista’thart bihi fi ‘ilm al-ghayb ‘indik an taj’al al-Qur’an rabi’ qalbi wa nur sadri wa jala’ huzni wa dhahab hammi] [Reported by Ahmad in his ‘Musnad’ (1/391) and it is authentic]

    2 – “O Allah, I seek refuge in you from grief and sadness, from weakness and laziness, from miserliness and cowardice, from being overcome by debt and overpowered by men.”

    [Allahumma inni a’udhu bika min al-hamm wal-hazan wal-‘ajz wal-kasal wal-bukhl wal-jubn wa dhala’ ad-dayn wa ghalabat ar-rijal] [‘Fath al-Bari’; 11/173]

  2. JazakAllah for the reminder bro. May Allah reward you. Keep them coming inshAllah.

  3. wa BarkAllah FeeKa

  4. “And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As‑ Saabiroon (the patient).

  5. “Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.

    3. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allaah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”

    [al-‘Ankaboot 29:2-3]

    “Allaah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now, until He distinguishes the wicked from the good. Nor will Allaah disclose to you the secrets of the Ghayb (Unseen), but Allaah chooses of His Messengers whom He wills. So believe in Allaah and His Messengers. And if you believe and fear Allaah, then for you there is a great reward”
    [Aal ‘Imraan 3:179]

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