Archive for October, 2009

Imprisoned
October 22, 2009

 

I am..

A prisoner to my own emotions

Often at war against a powerful foe

who invades the sanctity of my heart in many different shapes and forms

By day, I stand strong

by night, I grip the ground as I attempt to dodge enemy fire

that attacks the base of the heart through strategic desires!

Often, I burn my soul through consistent reminders to remain strong and aviod a life in the eternal fire

 

With nowhere to flee

I march forward seeking the inner battlefield in order to become free!

Against an enemy known to me as my own destiny

In essence, I struggle to liberate my soul as I pursue my final decree

Question: what will become of me?

 

If I continue to pursue a path to become a man in a society that produces boys

What will become of me

what will become of my children

and my family to be

 

Lost in clustered never-ending thoughts

I stand caged like a wild beast in a body that produces poetic heat

between a soul that harbours visions of past days and destructive desires

if the world leaders knew I milked the earth for its global energy

Imprisoned – I would be

 

Instead I fight to conceal the powerful voices that scream from within

But I – for my part – remain in a state of denial

As I struggle to remain sane in a world that breed’s insane

Will I survive in my pursuit to survive another day in a society that bleeds internal desires

for that answer, you will need to look into the book of Decrees

Truly, only Allah knows what will become of me 

 

 

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Somethings, I just dont understand!
October 12, 2009

For one, why are firemen so beloved by our society? I mean, correct me if I’m wrong but aren’t those men running into a burning building? And to makes matters worse, I often see them run full speed into a flaming house, in order to save who – scruffy, the black cat with white spots that forgot to run out of the house when flames erupted from the kitchen. I mean, okay! I understand that sometimes firemen save lives and of course, if I saw my family inside a burning home, I too would take every measure to save their lives but I just can’t understand why a fireman puts his life on the line to save a turtle (and if you think I’m joking about the turtle thing, I’m serious..such an incident has happened). And to make matters worse than they already were; sometimes the fireman dies in the process of trying to save that helpless turtle. Again, I’m just saying…I think a human life is worth saving but a human life is not worth losing over an animal when 12 foot flames cover a house – logic tells me, and apparently this logic isn’t required to become a fireman – if a house is covered in flames, it is not wise to run into that house! And for all the firemen out there, we respect what you do but please remember, you are not a superman and probably, more likely than not, you have a family at home so try to recall that before you risk your life for a pet. Besides, I’m under the opinion that if we can develop the technology to send humans to the moon, and moreover, if we can create manless drones to bomb western Pakistan, I’m sure we can also develop the type of machinery needed to never witness another fireman lose his life in the midst of trying to preserve the property of someone else. And talking about firemens; why are they always the first to arrive at any emergency call? Maybe it has something to do with their big red fire truck and how everyone keeps their distance when they hear their sirens coming their way (you can never trust those guys who drive those trucks). As you can tell, I’m not a big fan of firemens!

And another thing I can’t seem to understand is why does society have a problem with  Muslims women choosing to wear the niqaab. Of course society claims that our sisters can wear whatever they please but their words and actions must speak the same language before I can accept their claims to be true. Afterall,  I’ve heard, and God forbid I ever see a niqaabi be disrespected in front of me, but such negative behaviours have been experienced and spoken about by many sisters. And if society has a problem with women covering themselves, then I too have a problem with women coming outside of their homes wearing nothing but a bra and tight jeans. And society shouldn’t develop a trait we call on the street as being ‘shaddy’. It shouldnt deal with one group of people one way and another group a different way when we’re all citizens of the same society. And yes, I’m getting to that point where I can’t stand to surrounded by naked people which has left me asking myself one question: what happened to modesty? Apparently, like dinosaurs, it no longer exists.

Goodbye, and Forever!
October 12, 2009

     Recently I took a trip overseas and despite the great time that I had in Dubai and Djibouti, and the not so great experience with Turkish Airlines, there is one feeling that lives with freshness in my heart till this very day. Until this moment, I’ve never spoken about this matter to any of my friends or family but I thought – since I really need to get it off my chest – I would share it on my blog. In early September, I was in Djibouti and my friends planned to visit the beach in order for us  to relax, although it was Ramadan and we couldn’t really enjoy ourselves fully because we were in a state of fasting. And before I had departed to the beach on that day, a thought popped into my head. Weeks and maybe months leading up to that day, I wanted to take a huge step towards starting a new beginning in life. I wanted – more then anything – to leave the past as is, and focus on the challenges of a bright future (inshAllah). So before I left for the beach, I grapped my 9 completed notebooks – that I’ve been writing poetry in for the last  6 and chain years – that I had titled ‘Poetic Justice’ (which by the way I’ve tried to keep hidden from people and that I wanted to share with my children to be inshAllah) and I placed those notebooks into my school bag which I intended to take with me to the beach. When I got to the beach, and only after I’d spent some time with my friends – joking and catching up on matters pertaining to their lives in general – I had an urge to leave my friends and take some time to myself. I needed to think about some matters. So in the midst of their laughing and playing, I escaped their sight. And I knew I had little time before they would notice my absence so I quickly fled for the shores of the Red Sea and I thought to myself as I approached the water, can this be the same sea that Allah caused to open up for Musa? Was I really walking towards the edge of a sea that destroyed a corrupt nation – Pharoah and his people! As I approached the water, the ayaats from the Quran discussing Musa and Pharoah started to appear. With each step I took, I felt a greater connection to Musa because I knew he went through a lot – dealing with the likes of Pharoah and afterwards, Bani Israel. And I knew with certainty that the Red Sea was rich in history and somewhere deep inside, I wanted to add to that history. Then a thought popped into my mind – why not release years of poetry into the Red Sea?

     At first I thought the idea was somewhat – excuse my french – stupid. Then I realized, after years of writing poetry and fighting hard to keep them out of the reach of the general public – the only way to assure myself that my privacy and poetry never land on the lap of another person – I had to release my Poetic Justice into the Red Sea. See the thing about me is, I’m a very private person and privacy constitutes a major part of my life. Relationships in general go through a roller coaster, and sometimes the great relationship ends badly but the relationship that one has with his soul never ends and I believe those matters – emotions and experiences – experienced by the soul need to be respected and kept private until the day comes when Allah allows you to trust someone to the degree that privacy can no longer be an issue.  

      So I opened my bag and I reached from my Poetic Justice. At first, I felt hesitant to execute the plan of throwing years of poetic work into a cold sea. But quickly I shook off such thoughts and I reminded myself that a sea such as the Red Sea is meant to preserve history and I wanted to contribute to that history my sharing with it my life experiences – documented through poetic work – so in one motion, I threw years of poetic work into the water. And there it floated, helplessly…in historic water, as my sight fixed its laser onto its every motion. I stood there alone, knowing that I had invested so much emotions and time into writing and in a matter of seconds, everything that I had done and worked for, gone. Then I remembered Allah. I remembered that while all my actions – both good and bad – can be forgotten by the ones I did good and bad towards, Allah never forgets. So I became shy of recalling some of the things that I done, and connecting it back to the fact that Allah has not forgotten those actions, even though it may have escaped my memory for a time. And I noticed when I become shy in the sight of Allah, I usually sit down – in order to lower myself in the sight of Allah. So I sat down, on a rough edged rock and I started thinking. And those thoughts led to more thoughts. Thoughts after thoughts. And in the midst of all those thoughts, my Poetic Justice was taken by the sea that saved Musa and Bani Israel, and it was no longer in sight. I starred off into the sea, missing my Poetic Justice. I started recalling the poetic verses I created through a rollercoaster of emotions, and never knowing whether I will have the opportunity to experience such emotions again – which would allow my poetic voice to speak. See, the thing about poetry is, it’s not the verses within themselves that make great poetry but rather the experiences that create the foundation for great poetic work. That is why poets existed in every generation because human experiences – sadness, happiness, love, hate, fear, etc – can be experienced regardless of the historical time. And I realized what I was truly missing wasn’t the poetic verses that I had written but rather the experiences that led me to document them into my Poetic Justice. And every time I read my Poetic Justice, the experience that I focused on (ie, love) became fresh but then I realized, regardless of whether those words were physically present or not, those experiences will always be a part of me.  At that moment I learned something very important…but that is a blog for another time.